thought at work

prepare for cliched end-of-year ramblings. 

really though, i think i realized two days ago that new year’s day actually meant a new year. dumb, i know, but i think i just hadn’t been thinking of it that way. when you’re 22, you’ve been trained to think on a school calendar for your whole life, and thus the end of summer is always a strange form of new years. but when i think about 2011, the main thing i realize is how fast it has gone. weeks flew by, months flew by, quarters flew by. i counted the other day and realized i’d been living in denver for almost exactly six months. six months of change, of growth, of newness. wow. no wonder i feel like on this trip home, every little part of me is different. 

i think the year could essentially be split up like so:

january-march: sheer and utter panic about my future.

april-june: decision, preparation, anxiety, excitement.

july-september: bravery, a brief touch of loneliness, settling, building, growing.

october-december: feeling more right about where i am in my life than i ever ever have before. 

i think this year’s season of panic will be around april-july, when i’m waiting to see what life will hold next. but you know, after seeing how this year worked out for me, i think i feel ok with the not knowing and better about the trusting. 

i want 2012 to be a life of health, friendship, knowledge, courage, and reveling in beauty. 

begin.