i do not want to know the social functions that you are planning for your fellow debutantes to attend, such as the mother-daughter fundraiser tea and winter wonderland party coming up next semester, and i REALLY don’t want to hear about meeting your boyfriend’s parents. and as thoroughly scintillating as your discussion about Sephora with dumb ass girl #2 is, i would rather you respect that this is a LIBRARY and not a conference room.

you do realize that i was here first, right? and that there are group meeting rooms upstairs? and that no one else in the library is speaking at the loudest volume possible? oh, of course. you are just blatantly ignoring that.

at least i have a middle aged man (a nice, respectful, studenty one this time) sitting next to me that i can share exasperated glances with. for now, that and clearing my throat while obviously adjusting the volume of my headphones will have to do

sincerely,

amy

i am trying not to judge your reasons for being in a university library when you are most likely not a student, and in fact you are probably the dad of the kid you are sitting with. however, your loud discussion about the number of twitter followers you have leads me to believe you are probably a socially deprived skeezeball who comes to the library to creep on young girls.

just a theory.

also, why did you bring a three hole punch to the library? and a computer mouse? and what looks to be a portable paper shredder of sorts? are you setting up a home office?

please don’t.

thanks,

amy

ps. i would be far less mad at you if i had headphones, so really, this is only around 90% your fault.

pps. if you are, in fact, a nice, older student, i apologize, but i still implore you to shut up.

if you are going to weep and whisper whine for like a half hour, go elsewhere.